One of the greatest things that I enjoyed learning from this subject, was having scriptural equivalents to the “nonspiritual” Rogerian Triad - Identified by Carl Rogers in the 1960’s. In my early young adult aged days, I attended an introductory course in psychology, and I was familiar with the terminology in Carl Roger’s triad. However, seeing these terms linked to scriptural equivalent, excited me on a much deeper level. The terms compare as folllows:
- Accurate empathy / Mercy
- Genuineness / Truth
- Non-possessive warmth / Grace
(Rozell, 2004, p. 196)
As it goes with most of my subjects, realisations that are all nice and fluffy at first generally turn out to become rather certain elements in providing challenges in my often obstinate heart. I was challenged in the way that I relate to people myself – regardless of the level of authority which I am under or need to enforce, or the level of intimacy in any given friendship. It is still an ongoing journey, but for what I have been made aware of, it did not turn out too bad.
One aspect which I felt challenged with – which I did not see coming by any stretch of the imagination – was a secondary racial judgement which I picked up from someone else. I was reminded of a time before I had even known that this subject existed in my degree programme. I found myself in the memory of sitting in a ladies’ conference earlier in 2011, and not being able to take in anything which the speaker was saying, this despite the fact that she was talking with sure authority and knowledge on the topic. I was wrestling with the matter as I was trying to take in her talk, and I remember vividly the moment when the realisation hit me like a Giselle hits the ground when it is taken down by a leopard… The reason that I could not listen to her, was due to the fact that she was black. To this day, I remember how I was making judgemental comments in my mind as she was talking, even though I was also trying to really listen to what she was saying.
Needless (for some) to say, I had to reassess my position in this regard and sought the guidance of our flock leader as I worked through the matter in prayer before God. I think part of me was utterly shocked at the realisation, as I had always had a high tolerance for people of other races. I mean - Hello - I was even one of the first people that I knew, that had learnt our new national anthem off by heart in 1994...ja, that did not mean anything.
The matter has for the most part been settled in my heart and mind. But it was only upon grazing through my Human Relations study guide that I realised just how I had missed the mark in my relationships with other people, noteably with people from other races. Although truth was there for the most part (honestly speaking), the realisation sunk in that I had lacked in my sharing of mercy and grace in certain junctions. Being a person who loves people, I became aware of just how I had denied myself so much more in terms of my desire to truly understand people and where they are coming from when they say something or act in a particular way. I was still genuinely interested in knowing people from other races. But as far as seeing them wholly – as the Lord would – in my heart there was a gap, hey…
The footprint of God’s love for others through our interaction with them can be hugely impactful as a bear throwing itself into 2 meters of fresh snow, or about as impactful as the footprint of a fly walking on top of solid jelly. What I am realising increasingly with each day (not really exaggerating here) is just how pivotal the words in 1 Corinthians 13 are. It’s a passage probably known by most people – Christian or non-Christian. But it takes a serious consideration of the heart behind the words to hit home and for it to become useful and truly meaningful - not only to ourselves, but also through us to others.
“Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.”
1 Corinthians 13:3-7 (The Message).
In all of this I can testify of the Lord’s application of His Agape principles in my own life on numerous occasions, but one of the most vivid would be the one I just shared on top herre. I think what I am getting at is that we can conjure up therapies and methodology and formulas for helping people relate to each other. But does it encourage relating in a way that serves the other the best? I believe that it is only in conjunction with and understanding of the heart of God behind the Agape principles of relating to people, that we truly see and experience the person that we are dealing with in the fullness and potential with which the Lord has created them.
Heart has a gap, hey? Do some Agape loving of the people around you everyday. I try my best to. It's not the easiest thing to do, especially when people are less than Agape-like to you. But I can confidently say that it is by far the most rewarding way of relating to people.
