Sometimes

Sometimes I really wish that I could be mad at You
Just remain upset at people
Coz it seems so much easier to do than the contrary.
Sometimes I don’t feel like being the one who’s always considerate
Loving people
Keeping the peace at any cost
And sometimes I really want to just mope around.

Sometimes I feel like standing out in the open
And belting out at the top of my lungs:

“How could You save a people so broken, lost and fallen?!?
How do You keep loving us?!?
Why would You call me at all into the fray?!?
I’m a spiritual cripple
Emotionally fragile
Peccable...

Rather than letting me feel the wrenching pain by and for others
Jerk my heart out of my chest.
Rather than exposing my eyes to the need and hurt out there
Gauge out my eyes .
Cut off my ears.
Incarcerate me for I can’t turn people’s hearts to you or
Alleviate their hurt or
Repeal their ill-willed decisions...”

I listen to the drumbeat and electric guitar justifying my anger and frustration
At mankind and me

You meet me in that place, as You so often do...

"King or cripple what have I become?
Beneath these kingly robes there lies a fragile man"

I want to rip to shreds this royal robe You clothed me with
Sometimes it simply feels too heavy to wear

"I love to hold the hand of one who healed the blind
And saw the leper run into your arms of love
King or cripple, they were the same to you
You took the broken man and you treat him like a king”

I remain resistant to You and say, “Gosh darn it!
I can’t even enjoy music in peace!”

I melt away as Your simple truth permeates
My momentary, counterfeit apathy to Your love and grace
Gives way and
I acknowledge my selfish pride
As my heart consents...

“Oh your hands of kindness are here for me
And I have heard they are silken and can carry me

How I love you
All I am is you
King of love I bow

Oh your hands of mercy were scarred for me
And your body was broken so that I go free

Oh your love that burns me, deeper than the sea
And the treasure I find here, the saviour's love for me”

Sometimes I really wish I could be less serious and trust You more.